


Breaking free

by allison95



Series: White Martian Alex [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:45:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allison95/pseuds/allison95
Summary: After it was revealed Alex was taken by white martians, Maggie struggles to deal with guilt.





	Breaking free

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of the Coming home series. See if you can spot the Floriana Easter egg I put in. This was edited by the awesome Ashley (alifetimeoffirsts on here and Twitter).

It had been three months. Three months since Alex was found, three months since everything that happened in the couple months prior had been flipped upside down. Three months since she and Alex started to rebuild their relationship. Alex understood she needed to work through her emotions and thoughts. Alex (and J’onn, he was the one who brought it up in the first place) thought that she should see the DEO’s appointed therapist. 

“What makes him think I’m going to talk to a stranger” Maggie asked as she got into bed one night. 

“It’s a suggestion, I’m doing it. Kara, Winn, J’onn are going. I think it might be good to talk to someone” Alex put the book she was reading on the nightstand, “It might help you figure out your thoughts” she turned off the lamp. 

“After my parents kicked me out I saw a therapist. My aunt suggested it. She helped me become a more confident person” she admitted.

“You’ll try it?” Alex asked in a soft voice. 

“I guess so”. 

Which is why she was now sitting on the couch in the DEO’s therapist’s office. She was pretty sure Kara was in before her as there was a faint smell of powdered donuts. 

“How are you and Alex doing? Last time we met you said you were getting back into the normal routine” Dr. Dumont asked grabbing her notepad and pen. 

“We’re trying to do what we usually do. We both made breakfast this morning, well I cooked, she made us coffee. We then met up for lunch and had date night last night. Just trying to get some normalcy back.” 

“Where are you in terms of your relationship”?

“Still taking it slow, we still want to get married, but that might not be for a while” They both discussed that while they still loved each other, they needed to work through their traumas before going back to wedding planning. 

She rubbed the spot where her ring used to be with her thumb, something she used to do a lot and still caught herself doing. They found the engagement rings one day in the dresser next to the door. 

“One day when the time’s right I’m going to propose to you again, and we’ll have the biggest, gayest wedding National City has ever seen. The proposal will be even better than the first” they both admired the rings sitting in a wooden box. 

“What’s better than a proposal right after the world was going to end” Maggie quipped. 

She had been ecstatic when Alex proposed; she finally found the person she wanted to spend her life with and wanted a real, full happy life with. They had spent a couple days picking out rings, choosing ones that were beautiful but not too showy. It felt really real when Alex had slipped it on her finger. 

“Do you two talk about everything that’s happened” Dr.Dumont wrote something down on her notepad. 

“She’s mentioned brief things like what they put her through. I try to coax some things out of her, but I also want her to talk to me on her own time”. 

“I’ve noticed that whenever we try to focus on the situation, you talk about what Alex has gone through and what she says when we’re here to talk about you. Do you not think what you went through is important”?

Maggie shrugged, “I went through a little heartbreak. She went through six months of being abducted and not one person was looking for her”. 

“She’s a big part of your life, you were healing and then you find out that what you were healing from was all fake. Can we start talking about you a little”? 

Maggie arrived at Alex’s place after her session ended. Alex was sitting on the couch flipping through the tv channels. 

“Hey, I have pizza in the oven if you’re hungry” she said as Maggie came in the door, setting her keys down on the nightstand. 

“Sounds great,” she walked over to the couch and leaned down for a kiss,” I’m gonna shower and change”. 

Maggie entered the shower, the rush of hot water trickling on her skin. She thought about what Dr.Dumont had told her about being able to talk about what she went through and not bottling everything up. Was it really that important for her to talk about herself when Alex went through absolute hell? 

Alex mentioned how she was tied up for most of her time, the other time she was in a jail cell. She would be starved and brutally beaten for information regarding the DEO and to give up Supergirl. 

Maggie was going to be fine, she usually was anyways. 

She walked to the closet, opened the drawer spotting that familiar orange shirt. She had found it tucked in one of the boxes when she was unpacking. She slept in it until it no longer smelled like Alex, then she had thrown it into the back of the drawer in her apartment. It was too painful to even look at it. 

She walked out into the kitchen, Alex had finished pulling the pizza out of the oven. 

“That smells so good” she mentioned. 

Alex’s eyes raked over her, “I love you in that shirt” she reached out, tucking Maggie’s hair behind her ears. She started kissing Maggie’s neck. 

“Alex” she let out a little moan when Alex bit at her skin.

As a part of taking it slow, figuring out their emotions they decided to hold off on sex. As much as she wanted, no needed it, she knew they couldn’t right now. 

“Taking it slow remember” she said ignoring the warmth in between her legs. 

“Right sorry” she played with the ends of Maggie’s hair. 

“It’s fine. Don’t know about you but I’m starving”. 

They ate and talked about their day. Alex mentioned her therapy and asked how Maggie’s was going. She talked about how she was figuring things out, not mentioning that all she ever did and wanted to talk about was Alex. 

 

 

Maggie couldn’t sleep. How could she have gone so long and not figured it out that it wasn’t even Alex that was next to her? Alex had been out there hoping someone would find her but no one was looking. 

Her last few moments with Alex weren’t even real. After the break up she had let herself cry and mourn her failed relationship. She then picked herself up and tried to move on but it was hard when everything reminded her of Alex from a pool table, to a dog on the street to a kid crying in the supermarket. 

She had finally been the happiest she had been in a long time. She could see a future with someone, she hadn’t been able to picture that in years. Thinking she was doomed to failed relationships until Alex came along. She had found her home only for it to be ripped out from underneath her.

“What were your feelings about the break up? Towards Alex” Dr.Dumont had asked. 

“Hurt, anger, sadness, but if kids was what she wanted then she needed to do it. I couldn’t stand between her and happiness”. 

“Would you say you care about her happiness more than your own”? 

“Yeah” she bit her lip looking down at the floor. 

“Why do you think that is”?

“She’s been through a lot too and she’s the one person who never judged me for anything, I feel safe around her. She just recently figured out who she was and she deserves to finally be herself”. 

She went up to the roof to get some air. She was up there for a couple minutes when she felt the breeze of a cape as Supergirl came and landed next to her. 

“Are you ok”? 

“As ok as any one person could be when they find out their girlfriend was replaced with a clone. Everything feels different, little moments feel tainted”. 

Those last moments of them in bed together, the feel of Alex’s skin on her, her kisses, The last ‘I love you’ for those several months wasn’t even real, just something said to keep up a masquerade while her life was about to be destroyed. 

“You feel violated. I get it. It’s just disturbing and makes my skin crawl thinking about it.” 

“How is she not angry that none of us found out that she was gone? We’re the ones closest to her and we didn’t know”. 

Kara took a minute to think, “She knows the situation, what Cadmus is capable of. I think she might have been surprised if we did come looking for her” they both stood there looking out into the city. “I kept an ear out for you to make sure you were ok. I know I should have actually saw you but I thought it would have been awkward.” 

While she wasn’t the biggest fan of Supergirl, she wanted to have a better relationship with Kara. They seemed to be getting a little closer after Alex was in the water tank but after the break up they went back to how it was before. 

“I wouldn’t have expected you to. Alex is your sister I get it.” 

“You were hurting too.” 

“We’ve got other things to deal with now.” 

Alex was up when she returned to the apartment. “Where’d you go”?

“The roof. I was talking to Kara.” she kicked her shoes off. 

“Are you ok? I know we’re dealing with this but since you came home you’ve seemed out of it” Maggie sighed before chewing on her lip, “Maggie.” 

“I’m just trying to make sense of everything, thinking through what Dr.Dumont said to me. I was going through a break up when that wasn’t even real, you were held captive for months while we were here not knowing that, I’m frustrated and angry at fake you and at Cadmus. I want to go back to normal” 

Alex didn’t say anything for a moment, the wheels spinning in her head. She turned and walked towards the closet. 

“Where are you going?”

“We are going on a little vacation” she returned with two duffle bags. 

 

They started their trip to Midvale early the next morning. They visited once together shortly after getting engaged. Eliza had cooked lasagna and grilled them on the wedding plans. At that point all they knew was they wanted to get married within the year and were planning on honeymooning in Australia.

Eliza regularly called and checked up on her. Eliza would ask about her work and they would theorize on cases together. Maggie would call her when she needed someone to talk to and she suspected that Eliza felt like she lost a daughter. 

The sun was rising when they pulled into the driveway. “Is your mom here?” she asked as they got out of the car. 

“No she’s in a conference in DC, she should be back in five days though” Alex opened the trunk and got their bags.  
“You’re bringing a cop to a break in” she teased. 

“It’s not a break in when your mom still lives in your childhood home and you have a key.” 

The house had a warm, comforting feeling to it. She liked to imagine young Alex at the table doing homework or on the beach surfing, trying hard to keep her balance on the board while her parents cheered her on. It was that sense of coziness and feeling of home that she missed out on. 

They unpacked in Alex’s old bedroom and headed down to the beach. 

“I still can’t get over that you grew up steps from the beach” she remarked. 

They were both in their bathing suits laying on beach towels. Besides a couple people a few miles down, they had the majority of the beach to themselves. 

“It has its perks.” 

How they were right now, just laying there enjoying the sunlight and each other is how she imagined her honeymoon with Alex to be, with some cocktails added. They had been only mere months away from the wedding, had the date, and venue nailed down. She and real Alex were supposed to be doing food tasting, she was hoping the bakery could make some kind of tiramisu cake. 

“I’m going in, you want to come?” Alex got up. 

“I’m fine right here” she watched Alex stand on the edge of the water for a minute, the waves crashing on her feet before she got in. 

She remembers after the tank how Alex was a little nervous to be in water again, although she tried her best not to show it. She knew she needed to get over her fear. They drove to the beach where Maggie had held her hand while they went into the ocean. 

Maggie got Alex to focus on her and not think about her surroundings as they waded deeper and deeper into the water. Alex had just held onto her while Maggie had talked, distracting her. 

She still remembers the pain and fear of almost losing Alex, she hadn’t realized at the time how deeply in love she was with her. 

Maggie then made her way into the ocean, she floated next to Alex. The sun shining on her brought out the red in her hair, she could see the little laugh lines that were starting to form. She spent a moment just admiring her when cold water splashed up on her face. 

“I can’t believe you did that” Alex started laughing. She splashed the water back at her and they started having a water fight. 

They stayed on the beach for most of the day and went back inside for dinner. They both started working on making spaghetti. Maggie putting the sauce in the pan and stated heating it along with meatballs while Alex put the noodles in the boiling water. 

She was stirring the meatballs in when she could hear the start of a Cyndi Lauper song start to play. They would often dance around the kitchen singing while they cooked, Cyndi being the most played as she was a staple in both their teen years. 

Alex took Maggie’s hand as she spun her around, Maggie putting her arms around Alex’s waist as they moved around the kitchen. They rested their foreheads against each other. She missed the feeling of happiness, of comfort, of Alex’s skin against hers. 

Alex was her safe place, her home, she never felt a connection like this with anyone else. She never knew she could be this free with someone. 

Alex pulled back to look at her for a moment before leaning back in and kissing her. Maggie held her face into her hands. Alex pushed into the kiss deeper, Maggie’s fingers trailed under her shirt. The sound of the timer broke them apart. 

Maggie sat on Alex’s bed as Alex was taking a shower. She knows she decided to hold off on sex,but she needed to feel close to Alex, needed her touch. The last time she had had sex with Alex it wasn’t even her, she kept trying to scrub that memory from her head. Something else had ruined her, tainted something special she shared with Alex. 

She had replayed those last memories over and over in her head, trying to hold on to the last few happy times and figuring out where it went wrong. As she had sat in her new apartment she knew nothing good would come from that but she had to have missed something. 

“Hey are you ok,” Alex entered the room. 

“Yeah” Maggie walked towards her and started kissing her. She then started to lift up Alex’s top. 

“Hold-hold on. You sure”? 

Maggie nodded, “I need this.” 

Hours later Alex was asleep while Maggie was still up. She had missed having that close contact with her, how euphoric it felt when they were together. Her mind still couldn’t shake the not knowing part. She put some sweats and a tank on and went downstairs. 

She got a glass of water and wandered around the house. She walked into the den where there was bookshelves filled with science related books. She noticed Cat Grant’s book in the mix too. She noticed a couple wedding magazines tucked away. 

Eliza must have been so excited to be the mother-of-the-bride and help with the wedding planning as she assumes most mothers are. She would regularly text them ideas of flowers and table settings when she ‘just happened’ to find them in a wedding magazine. 

“I was never that type of girl that had been planning her wedding since she was a kid. It wasn’t on my radar, then after a string of failed relationships I just thought getting married wasn’t in the cards for me” she had told Dr.Dumont. 

“I’m sure the proposal came as a surprise.” 

“The world just nearly ended and we’re standing there on the balcony and she asks me to marry her. I think we both realized we just wanted each other, anything can happen so propose to the girl you want to propose to.”

Screams coming from upstairs snapped her out of her thoughts. Setting her water down on the desk, she then bolted up the steps. Alex was thrashing on her bed, kicking the covers off, screaming. 

“Alex, Alex wake up” she held her arms down, trying to wake her. “Hey it’s ok, you’re safe” she said as Alex started to open her eyes. “You want to tell me what your dream was about?” Maggie rubbed her arm. 

Alex let out a shuddery breath, “I was back there again. I was tied up and couldn't get free.” 

“I’m sorry” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Maggie hated that she couldn’t make Alex’s pain go away, that Alex was put through so much, that she had a girlfriend that didn’t realize that she was missing for all those months. 

 

“Something’s definitely bothering you” Alex sat at the kitchen table with her tea.

“It’s fine.” 

“Maggie we’re here for you too. Talk to me please” she gave her pleading eyes. 

She inhaled sharply, “I keep thinking I should have known that something was up. There were little things that I should have caught.” 

“Like what?”

“You were distant. You barely talked to me about the kid thing. You were cold, that’s how I should’ve known. You would have never disregarded my feelings. I remember at the very end I was begging for you to reconsider, I said that I wanted you and you replied ‘but I want kids” she scoffed, “You were out there, having horrible things done to you and I didn’t know and I’m sitting here complaining when you went through so much worse. I need a minute.” she walked outside and sat on the patio chair. 

She didn’t know how Alex could forgive her for this, how she couldn’t be hurt that no one had come looking for her. She knew Alex so well and she didn’t figure out that it wasn’t her, what kind of girlfriend was she? 

Alex came out a few minutes later and sat in the chair next to her. 

“You’re a detective, you detect, you take pride in it. You also take pride in being there for people and being able to read them. I think that you think that you let me down in some way, but you didn’t. I’m not mad at you or at anyone except for those who did this.” 

“We were engaged and living together, what does it say if your own fiancée doesn’t even notice anything is wrong?” 

“It means nothing. Cadmus was meticulous with how they constructed the clone, copying even the littlest things.” 

Maggie looked at her, “You must have thought ‘why hasn’t anyone found me’.” 

“The thing I thought about the most in there was that I had to get home to you. We still have that lifetime of firsts we’re going to do together.” 

“Now what?” she looked back out into the ocean. They talked but she knew it wasn’t going to fix everything immediately. They were going to have to go back home and deal with everyday life, get back to how they were before. 

“Marry me.” 

“What” she turned back towards her. Alex sure had a knack for out of the blue proposals. 

“I know it’s not going to fix all of our problems right away, she got up and knelt down in front of Maggie, but I think all we really want is to be each other’s wives so marry me?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two months later she’s back in Dr.Dumont’s office, playing with the silver wedding ring on her finger. They had just gotten back from their honeymoon. 

The wedding was on the beach in Midvale, they both wore dresses while Alex was walked down the aisle by J’onn, Maggie by James. They said their vows and became Mrs. and Mrs. Then they had the reception on the beach. 

“I think we’re getting close to you finishing therapy, but first I have to congratulate you on your wedding.” 

“Thank you” her thumb pressed against the cool band. 

“What happened to waiting?”

“We decided that we just wanted to be married, that nothing was going to break us. I think it brought us closer.” 

Maggie was starting to let go of what had happened in those months, real Alex was here and they still loved each other more than anything. After the session she got on her motorcycle and headed home to her wife.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I'm on Twitter as ChyFlo


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